You are viewing lucidwiley


May. 9th, 2006 | 11:17 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent

Yeah Swiley in the house.

Ok, so yeah I've been kinda pissy lately but I think I solved some if it or maybe it's just aggression that comes from insecurities that I don't consciously know I have.

We'll I'm pretty sure it's just stupid shit pissing me off, like:

Both my fucking prom dates had some disciplinary action, Yeah like both Colby and Chelsea were taken out for some amount of time which I didn't realize how much it annoys me until a few days ago, like what the fuck? Also both of them add quality to my life too and without Chelsea my math homework grade will go down like a ho' on Snoop Dogg.

Yeah, then the usual stupid people shit like peeps fucking with the chessboard when I'm playin', you know you don't fuck with that shit, then today I almost flipped on Dana when she whipped out the most pitiful soar throat voice ever to beg Ms. Davis to delay a presentation she was too cool to do then talked completely better to me like a hour latter and and even lied to me sayin' her voice had gotten better, yeah instead I just smiled but in a world without laws which I know am not in, I think I would've put someone in tears with my reason at the very least.

Yeah AP bio exam wasn't to much fun either but not so bad and seemed a lot worse for lots of other people.

OK, last night I had the best idea EVER, like fuckin' SLAP CHESS. I realized that I wouldn't do as much stupid shit if I lost piece I had to be slapped in the face or if I made crazzzy moves I could hit someone in return, yeah I tried it out on Tom and I fucking conquered like three times today and gave him a pretty good bitch slap when I took his queen. By the end of it his morality preventing him from hitting me hard had faded away as well. Yeah, now I'm getting the rules down to a science and am gonna play Stephen and see how the beat down goes down and get ready for the blood to flow from my lack of cheeks.

My mom bought a big fucking leather chair!!! Yeah a lot of things on this earth confuse me.

So I had dinner with my dad and Betsy tonight which was chill and found out my sister does the discus which I might have to watch sometime. Yeah Lisa wanted to come over after I invited Colby once she gets unsuspended so I might do that up and kick her ass at backgammon like I did to my dad four fucking times tonight. Yeah that'll be weird someone like Lisa seeing me with my dad in a comfortable environment but hey she deserves it as she takes me harassments I deal out out her.

Yeah peace.

Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share

I don't wanna stop.

May. 6th, 2006 | 02:31 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent
Swiley is listening to: Alice Deejay

Yeah Ethan here.

So yeah Studin' it up for THE AP bio exam which we shall see how it goes.

Yeah I'm done with Mayfair and actually went to it for the first and maybe last time and worked my ass off for it too without any good reason, but it just don't matta'.

Yeah, Colby (woman) got suspended which was kinda a bummer but it don't matta' as we talk for a hour or two everyday and I think there is gonna be some sorta Boston excursion next weekend which I really haven't done that in long enough.

Yeah I almost died maybe when some dude holding a ladder bumped it when I was in a awkward position stringing lights but I saved myself and everyone looked at me funny when I said it didn't matta'.

Chelsea and I had some good brawilin' last night with some pretty good slap to the face and Kylie's intense mom walked in the room and glared at us, yeah.

Every time I drive home from school I hear “Ridin' Dirty” on the radio this has been going on non fucking stop and it's gonna be strange when I don't.

At coffee house I think I had about fifteen cups of coffee at least, the thing was NO ONE was drinking any of it and I would get two cups: one for me and like Phil or somebody and I would end up drinkin'
them both and did that like five times.

Yeah in the Mayfair auction thing Theo's house in DC for three nights with a “value” of seven hundred fidy, was like insanely cheap and I won it for sixty and I think Andrew, Emily,somebody else and I will have a kick ass time: no lies.

Yeah after seeing the people running the Mayfair mile and noticing that no students were doing, I jumped in on that in dress shoes and what not, yeah not so good idea but whatever my lungs only kinda mind the pain and thankfully it was well under a mile and had time to stop and get lost and ponder if I needed to urinate. And I ran through the end with my hands over my nipples for classinesses sake and somehow my mom didn't even see me which ain't a fucking bad thing. Then I coughed...a lot.

Yeah Lownthal had me pick up like four gallons of margarita mix for him which was a lot trickier that I thought but in the end I did and it turned out to be about ten more times the amount than he needed, also of note it was Bacardi brand and looked like tequila and got some kinda dirty looks carrying like five bottles across campus.

I chilled in the rain under a tent with Emily and Amy while attempts were made to get me into a dress for doing the maypole.

Link | Speak ya' mind. What has been said. | Add to Memories | Share

Cherish the day.

May. 3rd, 2006 | 06:29 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent
Swiley is listening to: techno, yeah HOLY FUCKING SHIT ARE YOU SURPRISED?

Yeah chillin' here en mi casa.

I think I'm slowly winding out of my existentialist crisis but I'm not really sure or maybe it's just gone back to a reality yeah, I'll stick with that but I don't even know.

SO I got my midterm grades and they were like all B's and I have no clue how that fucking happened like considering it was expressing a period where I did NO work what so fucking eva'. How do you say: hour of showering, one of reading and the rest of techo and news?

So yeah I've been fucking with Eric so much lately, but he is just so great and I can't stop. Like on all levels too: being white, being emo, being around goofy woman, insulting Spanish with my poor style, and I think I might have compared him to Speedy Gonzales which might just have crossed the line but hey being one not to drop the N bomb (unless in a rap song) so it's all good.

Yeah I named Speedy Gonazles as Disney's representative of Mexicano culture in Spanish class and I think I almost made Lowdog cry: no lies. Then I remembered that Cheech played a Hyena in the Lion King.

Yeah it's great, Jan assigned me another fucking book in the Islam class I'm in so yeah it's the 4th one and she gave me a B- I was about to argue with her but I founds out like 4 people got C's including Ashley so I laid back. But yeah I'M REALLY FUCKING GLAD I'M NOT A WOMAN IN AFGAINISTAN OR IRAN: story of my life.

Yeah I think my mom seriously suggested I had Parkinson's a few days ago yeah good stuff, while I might shake like crazy I would like to think that I'm dying (from that in specific). Yeah when I lift weight and stretch it's the worst thing ever, at least Lisa thinks so.

Tom beat me in chess for the first time, I was proud and he really kicked my ass to, while it may have talen well over 20 games he did it, YATTA!

Lately gum after I've been drinking coffee has been tasting like tobacco and I really don't think that is cool at all, I think it may have come from this piece I found in Greta's bag that was laden with tobacco, but whatever shit don't phase me as long as I pass up on that Lung and Oral caner. Yeah I've had the worst cut in my mouth ever I just wish it would figure itself out and heal.

Yeah LiveJournal was down for a bit and I freaked out thinking my account was deleted, living in fear it's a horrible thing but maybe it was just one of having to get a facebook earlier than I thought.

9/15/06 six post midnight: that's when Lisa and I are no longer friends, I like it when the numbers sound pretty.

Yeah today I heard some interesting stories about a prospect I've been thinking about, like a previous one was disgusted with this new ones crazy actions but I like and got the disgust look from like five people, yeah I think I have bad taste in what what I'd like to consider the finer things in life (in a pretty world) but hey at least I'm havin' a good time (I think?), but hey she's down with being used as a pillow when I play chess and fixes my hair so what more can I ask for?

I think I might actually have a lot of friends at Dublin or a lot of people find me to be novel enough to converse with, it's alright better than last week, bit it always seems to get a little bit better.

Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share

Queen Bitch

Apr. 30th, 2006 | 02:29 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent
Swiley is listening to: Bowie/techno

Yeah Ethan here not up to all that much just studying for AP Bio exam and attempting to do some kinda work aka watching 70's rock and electronic videos on YouTube which always finds a way to take up so much of my day but shit don't phase me.

SO, yesterday I proudly went to work gang (2nd time of the year, I think) for symbolic purposes and was only one of like five seniors there, strangely Lisa walked in as she never goes in fact we has even talked about it the day before, it's all good though. In the end I ended up taking like two screws out of a mast for a shitting sailing boat, and spacing out with Fin and Colman thinking I was dead.

Yeah I took a nap and tried to even out my tan in the middle of the quad at like 10:30, until whenever ad talked to peeps.

Yeah I watched some of “the Conquest of the Planet of the Apes” while it's kinda ghetto like it was made in the 70's but the soldiers were using fucking revolvers like no, it really should be remade as the premise is interesting and not knowing with whom to side with (fascist humans/the Apes) is kinda tricky as far as morale stuff goes.

Then mini golfing with Mere at Twinkle Town which I hadn't done in forever and managed to lose by two which could've been worse but a lot better better yeah I was pretty inconsistent. But yeah I love that place.

Yeah I really have no fucking clue what direction I'm going in and I'm not sure I can maintain being everything for much longer, it's just hard and confuses the hell out of people, it would be nice if I could find some kinda pretty compromise in myself that makes some kinda sense but I'm not sure it's gonna work like that but I don't know. A life of being so many things like a violent pacifist, fascist anarchist and everything else sounds so complicated and tedious and going through life meaning noting doesn't sound like something I should want to have. It's hard to explain.

Yeah I looked at the yearbook from last year and it's kinda depressing to think what I used to have for cool people in my life compared with now. I think I might have been a better person then or at least meant it a little more.I hope I'm improved when I go to college which I will. I'm just tired of these people and being a dick to them. Yeah and like almost all the day students are going to school in upstate New York, some things hurt my brain.

Yeah as of right now I think I'm chillin' with Lisa and Mere the most and I don't even know why
as it's not that meaningful but what the fuck is? Yeah I think I need to graduate and live a little better. I think I'm tired of feeling like that guy in that Paul Van Dyke-Nothing But You video, and yes I am that low to express my emotions with techno videos, Anyone want to dance party in the library?

Yeah Mere wanted me to pick her up from UNH last night, yeah then I made soup and scrambled eggs. As I think my body is starting to realize that gaining weight would be in its best interests, yeah good for it.

Yeah I don't know what is next I just hope its something.

Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share

Every day and Every night.

Apr. 28th, 2006 | 09:32 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent

Yeah so..

I've been lazy as fuck lately like I just don't feel like doing anything, I'm getting way to much sleep, taking way to many half hour showers and spacing out for extended periods too much. On the flip side I've been working out a lot yeah I really hope the two are not related.

But yeah, I don't think I'm depressed but to put a name on I'm in a existentialist crisis still which I think I will be until I decide I'm not but whatever, I'll figure it all out, well that's a lie.

Yeah this Arab-Israeli girl came to my school today, one wonders how it feels to be the Muslim minority in the nation that used to be yours... and it turns out it's pretty fucking awesome being ten minutes away from the beach, no drinking age, and having a standard of living like ten times better than the peeps in Palestine. Funny world, no?

Yeah , I think now whenever I hear rap music or anything for that matter, I start dancing, yeah it was bad today in Rec. gym Colby was tryin' to ask me somethin' and all I could do was bob my head and move my hips: true story.

Yeah so Yesterday the gods of Dublin School decided to put out chips and I the nastiest cheese shit ever and I think I ended up eating about like ¾ of a pound of the cheese alone, yeah I think I got throw a few ansty looks but I need it which might actually be true as I'm workin' out to the max, or at least until my veins are bustling out of my arms and Bennett give me theses looks.

Yeah ever since seeing Andrew and finally being convinced that maybe modeling wouldn't be a bad idea I'm kinda committed to getting in really good shape, yeah it may be degrading but hey better than what some people do to themselves everyday, and I've been in a degrading mood lately, Emily wasn't here today so I had to make sexually harassing side comments to Marta which just wasn't the same.

Yeah, last time I saw my dad I ended up playing seven fucking games of backgammon in a row with him on his insistence, and yeah he is a real bastard drunk but I really don't care 'bout that.

Yeah I listen to stuff other than electronic now for better or worse not much but some.

I've been thinkin' about if David Bowie or Ferdie Mercury is better way to much, why the fuck does being better matter?

Lisa and I decided to stop being friends in September so it all comes out even, everyone I know is going to school in upstate NY, maybe it reflects on who they are, I really don't want to know.

Man I want to have dance party in a library.
Want a giant red cushion thing like in that Paul Van Dyke Video.
Have better Abs.
Gain six pounds.
Get a romantically partner.
Or a sidekick.

Getting out of a existentialist crisis scares me, Truth sometimes does, Death does a lot sometimes. I sometimes wish I were dead.

Link | Speak ya' mind. What has been said. | Add to Memories | Share

No Silence.

Apr. 22nd, 2006 | 02:56 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent

I got back from Greta's house a few hours ago to sleep and think about crazy things and her along with Hannah (sister) and James (boyfriend) left on the six or whatever hour trek to Maine in her 240 that I really wish I had as cool as my Volvo is it just doesn't' have the same kinda character, don't matta though.

Yeah it was really good seeing her and the family well arguably on the crazy fucking dad but still they just remind me more of how I need to get the fuck out of where I am and into some place that's actually suitable for me but it's all good.

But yeah overall it was a pretty quality night and I fought Hannah a bunch which went down with her punching me a few times then me bitch slapping her pretty hard which was quite amusing.

Yeah all sorts of peeps stopped by too whom I haven't seen in a long ass time and this crazy dude who was in the Army and made techno. Yeah I think from listening to it after a while James seemed like he wanted to die, I think that's a sign that someone is chill as everyone I've met who listen to techno for two hours while slowly losing their vitality tend to be down in a not so crazy way.

Yeah school is going good enough I read another depressing Islam book and while nothing is really done in that Jan class she does assign really good books.

Yeah I wish I could keep to some of my crazy plans even if I did have a good excuse not to as doing I guess I really can't fit it all in but I'll work on it.

I got a badass shirt from James this old school Izod shirt and yeah I am accumulating those, I did trade it for the “Wiley” Western shirt which was pretty good but you can't have it all, you know?

Yeah like fifteen people yelled at me for wearing camo and flannel, I guess I'm expected to have some sort of good style which while it just reels in suggestions to be a male model and upper middle class prepie friends seems to do little else but I'm sure there are a few other things.

Thursday I sat on the quad reading and talking to peeps for nearly three blocks straight it was relaxing.

Yeah it was interesting while I was in the library a few days ago one of the cleaning ladies came up and told me that the chess board was broken BUT that is was all gonna be alright as it could be fixed, the next time I was in Lehmen it was there which was about a hour or two later.

Yeah seeing Greta made me realize how good of a thing having someone be able to talk about of the more crazy thoughts in head is, as I really don't think here is a good place for most of that.

I remember when the Avis Hannah and the Wiley one where like exactly the same yeah, I don't know what to do about my sister and the Avis one is turning into a druggie hooker I think but whatever, it's all in good fun

Oh year true story James works as a dishwasher making about sixteen bucks a hour!!! Yeah fuck that shit, but yeah I'm sure there are plenty of downsides to living on a island like they do.

Yeah James was fascinated by the word existentialism which I did a half ass job of explaining to him it was tricky though but interesting as he brought it up in all sorts of situations.

Yeah I'm gonna peace Audi as the cools kids once said and probably go see my dad or something in the very near future.

Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share


Apr. 19th, 2006 | 07:36 pm
Swiley is listening to: Ian Van Dahl

Hey yeah, Ethan here it's only been like forever since I've last updated.

Yeah Greta is down! I chilled with her and her boyfriend who is of surprisingly good taste today and might dye my hair late tonight, I don't even know. But yeah it's good to see them.

I've been getting' tired of people as of late and have changing up who I've been talking to but I really just wanna get the fuck over with High School: no lies.

Yeah Greta is doing good and she saw her brother who always hated me in Bennington as he can't leave by order of the law, I might see him next time I'm there, I don't even know.

It was pretty insane after getting through like the most intense part of the Kite Runner about family, Greta knocked on my door it was pretty overwhelming.

The day before when I was reading it Andrew and Emily showed up and I chilled with them a bunch and helped him move a organ, yea true story the “old” Emily wanted a ride back to Boston so Andrew trunked it while, both Emilys were in the front yeah I really wish he wouldn't make situations like putting your current and past girlfriend together for a hour and a half in a car with no radio, as I thought it was me who loved the awkward situations.

I beat Stephen in chess today mostly because he used all his brain power on the match beforehand but still he is insane.

Yeah the Kite Runner was the most painful book I have ever read: no lies it ruined my weekend. I wish one of the tears had come out of my eyes that were forming. I wonder if the twitch in my right eye has anything to do with that?

Yeah Eric found my secret to beating me in chess: letting my attention span go away as I make all my best moves in the first half of the game and go down from there.

Yeah I watched someone possibly lose her only friend today: part of me wants to do the right thing for a wrong person maybe I will maybe I might fail but I think it would be a good challenge as I need to stop plotting like I have been and do something. I think it would also be a good way to piss anyone off who thinks they know me too.

Yeah I had to play like seven games of Backgammon with my dad and won 4/7 which is almost enough I could have done better though but yeah I need to get closer to my little sister but I don't know how yeah I wish I knew how to get close to people other than crazy people, social outcasts, and just above average smart guy with confidence.

I'm still only listening to Electronic I think my ears permanently hurt.

Ms. Tolman called me a existentialist in Ms. Crupi's old room in which I can't talk about it there without the shudders of 10th grade. I wish the Crucifix on my neck wasn't for Irony but then I realize I'm lucky I can pull it all off.

I hugged Emily on Sunday like I won't ever see her again, I'm not sure but she might have done the same, I wonder what happens when I see her next? I wonder if I should enjoy being the smug one based on what I would say is a 40% chance I was right? I wonder if assuming the worst always is anywhere even close to ok.

I pissed off someone a few days ago for making fun of their weight what would happen if I got that pissed every time someone said fag like the meant it.

I've been thinking about scenarios for my death way to much as of late I always say that but it's just getting worse and more intricate, details like asking for my contacts to be taken out if I wake up from the coma, how much blood I'll lose from how many bullets, how many words I can get in to renounce how many lives.

I think I might already be dead but maybe I'll be reborn in some manner of months, weeks or day but I'm not sure how I am going to change next.


Link | Speak ya' mind. What has been said. | Add to Memories | Share

Now I'm Confused.

Apr. 12th, 2006 | 10:34 pm
Swendsen is feeling: confusedconfused
Swiley is listening to: ATB

Yeah Ethan here kinda confused about all sorts of stuff but not in a bad way I guess I just need to adjust to new things.

So I've been reading this book th “Kite Runner” which is far by the most disturbing piece of literature I've ever seen, like I don't even know how to explain it's about a rich kid in Afghanistan in the 70's or at least so far as I had to stop for a bit and it got me thinking abut so much about what the human brain is capable of doing in terms of horrible things especially to the things it loves, yeah if you ever want to put yo' brain in pain bust it out.

Yeah I watched a girl's Lax game today as I'm trying to be nice but it was challenging I ended up spending most of in Erin's minivan but that's something.

Yeah before that I played chess for a good hour as I'm starting to do as of late, sometime I play Eric, Kirk and Craig all in a row so far only Eric has beaten me once and it was a bitch move, sometimes I think I want to start a chess club sometimes I think I want to cut myself and watch myself bleed to death for the experience.

Yeah speaking of death and people who seem like they might as well already be there, it's kinda pitiful how hard Jessica tries to hate me she might have been a questionable person to keeps on the friends list but she sucks at coming off as mean to be I just do the “awww” or whatever and she gets more pissed off, yeah be nice to me unless your name is Micki or someone else I've been a asshole to intentionally but until don't have a quarrel as to be perfectly honest you really don't want me to be mean.

Yeah I'm trying to be nice lately and mean it, yeah it's challenging but yeah not everything is like beating Marta at chess.

Yeah I chilled with my dad tonight and that was pretty good even if it confused me more. I'm trying to figure out more about my family and stumbled upon some interesting things that some of my heritage really does come from the south and plantation style as well. You may not feel so but I've always felt a little southern, it's scary how much my ancestress might have determined who I am. Yeah I wish Jim Wiley was still alive I would ask him so many things but maybe that's something to look forward to about dying, I wish I knew who I was or where I come from though but no matter where it seems like everything about my family is tragic.

Yeah I also got some awesome cuff links from my dad that seem to be from my great grandfather yeah I wonder, I think he's buried in North Carolina which is kinda creepy but yeah maybe everything about me is predetermined or maybe I'm on the right track to figuring some of it out.

Yeah I might get a lady friend of some sorts soon yeah maybe I'll actually pull through this time, wouldn't that be surprising but maybe between the techno music and trying to be nice I might care this time.

Yeah everyone is sick
I got the highest score on the last math test.
I offered my help to prevent Mere from dying.
I heard way to many stories about ASR this crazy treatment school.
Maybe tomorrow I'll learn how to live or watch myself die or be stagnant but what's the difference between that and death?

Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share

Around the World.

Apr. 9th, 2006 | 05:30 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent

Yeah, I'm back from Bennington which was good enough and such.

I got to know all of Phil's former Suite Mates better and now know all their names, where they're from and all that stuff and yeah I could never live like that but hey that's just my thing and I will visit it every few weekends.

Yeah Phil's apartment is interesting to say the least it's in back of a motel and seems to be a former suite as it's all decked out in hotel furnishings with most everything the place came with nailed to the walls, did I mention all that stuff came from the 70's and the carpet is this grand orange color? Best of all though it has this really awkward two floor set up with one small room downstairs and the rest top side and between the two is a mad treacherous spiral stair case, that I'm 90% sure on that someone will die because of it. Bringing a fridge up I cut me hand kinda bad and bled everywhere as no band aids were available for some time.

Yeah for about the past week I've been listening to electronic mostly generic clubish music non stop. Now I get up at 5:30 on school days and my ears have this constant feel to them.. Yeah I think it's really making me go crazy but I think in a good way so I ain't gonna stop. One of the funnier parts of it is the European techo videos that are more like soft core porns that anything: no lies as two chicks in thongs only making out in a bathtub full of champagne has music complimenting it not the other way or around.

Yeah I have Phil's digital camera now for a long ass time I think and I'm figuring out how to use it and all that junk and pretty soon I'll be doing mucho filming and what not.

So yeah the whole time in VT I ate at Southern Vermont University like three times and thankfully while I guess they have some kinda card system they don't really use it. Also thankfully, they have quantities of Green Mountain Coffee which is in ETHAN SWENDSEN WILEY'S quality world of things.

Yeah, YouTube and Wikipedia are both down right now and it's agitating but thankfully like always there is more important stuff to do which I guess I'm gonna get on without a few hours of ATB videos and reading about the conquests of the Turk's.

Yeah also back on electronic music I think having it at low-awesomely high levels throughout the day is stimulating healthy and I've been experimenting with that. Yeah it might have been a determining factor in Phil getting sick as after cranking it all day and pulling into SVC he threw up for a bunch (it also could've been that 4 year old soda I bought him too) and I just looked on with a slight smile which would not have been so if such things had occurred in Jezebel.

Yeah cruising down 91 at like 70 or so a cop blows by me (without lights on) at at least 80 or higher it was interesting. Yeah, also going down to Bennington at the top of the scenic observation point it was like 40 and action fog coming back it was 55 and fancy blue skies all around yeah, interesting place.

So, Kathrine and I are going to Boston in a week or two, yeah that'll be interesting to say the least: no lies.

I'm also trying to be nice.

Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share

What have you done to me?

Apr. 5th, 2006 | 08:14 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent
Swiley is listening to: tecno music

Yeah Ethan here kinda uneventful week but that's OK.

Yeah I'm running again a bunch and it's working out good enough I went with Stephen in the snowy weather yesterday and the old burn on my hand turned more black than it had been in a long time and freaked Mr. Bennett out, all in good fun.

I think he got me back by talking about pissing blood from working out too hard yeah I've coughed up blood once and that is enough for me even though I know what I was doing but it is a good thing to have under your belt or maybe I'm just insane.

Yeah I'm starting to realize that there is a good chance I'm just making my self more crazy from constantly reading and looking up stuff like people dying in all sorts of of manners, machines of wars, genocides, pictures of famine and oppression but I guess my addiction to pain and suffering is better read about than inflicted on myself, well sometimes but there is a good chance that death has been occupying a unnecessarily high portion of my thought process as of late, shit don't phase me though, as I still don't talk about it as much as eating disorders.

Yeah I've been talking to Lisa and Marta a lot more lately it's gonna be much harder than one would think to replace Lisa when I go off to North Carolina but it's all good.

Yeah I'm also gonna start getting ready to present my presentation to the School on female genital mutilation. Yeah someone might just listen and think about it and it'll keep them up at night thinking how wrong the world is.

Yeah I just finished this really good book on Islam “the Bookseller of Kabul” it's kinda depressing but hey, almost everything about Afghanistan is.

I think I'm getting addicted to Techno videos that all have the same dance moves, beats, females style voices, trendy mysterious female characters, and as Julia might say are so European. This one ATB one is for the song that Anna and I listened to like a million times in Boston adventure I think it sounded better then and I think I was supposed to call her back, but whatever crazy bi girls are expendable as there is always more unlike the swill velor suit I just got out of my closet to check how it goes with a sweet shirt which I think I'll rock with the pants tomorrow. I also think I'm gonna make my hair a bit more blond not to much though as it would just get weird and I hate looking that gay in a environment with nothing but disdain for that kinda stuff. One day though: I promise.

Yeah I've been getting really unmotivated with some things mostly Spanish which isn't good but I'll figure it out I took my another senior cut for that class as I just can't take it and I knew I would have failed the quiz which I still probably will but whatever, can't win them all.

Yeah we shall see how VT goes, I'm sure Phil's place will be depressing but what about that kinda lifestyle isn't except enjoying it until shit really hits the fan, I ain't complaining as I'll be gone by then, except maybe for the holidays.

Yeah today I heard Ms. Donmez's view on Israel for the first time and I realized why she avoids it as it's pretty incomprehensible.


Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share

On the South Side.

Apr. 2nd, 2006 | 10:11 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent
Swiley is listening to: That Listen to Your Heart song, yeah fuck you.

Yeah Ethan here I got back from the Northern Carolina area of Greensboro earlier today and woke up round 'bout a hour ago.

So yeah all and all I was pretty impressed with it all and I really kinda feel like the South would be good for me and stuff, but whatever no matter what I do or where I go I'll be missing out on all sorts of good things, yeah I'm pretty sure that's a horrible way to look at things but that's what's going through my brain but at least I'm doing something and a lot more of a something that a lot of the peeps I know.

Yeah dealing with my mom that much was ridiculously challenging, the fact that I couldn't drive the rental car didn't help, but whatever it builds character, but even that's a stretch, I'm starting to realize that the more I'm in a car with my mom the more focused I get on death.

So yeah Downtown Greensboro was incredibly fucking awesome I was only there a few hours as my mom was being all crazy but I did do a pretty high amount of random wandering and what I saw was really fucking impressive. It had that feel of kinda not in the same age of the rest of the world (Claremont ,ext) wasn't in that bad of disrepair. It also had bunches of chill stores and stuff. The weird part was I was there on Friday around like five o'clock and the place was pretty fucking empty like by density there are way more people in Keene at that time of day, I liked it though it kinda seemed tragic yet perfectly chillaxen and getting by good enough, yeah I might be way to obsessed with myself, but I really don't know and don't think it matters either and no matter who you are, I don't think I'd trust anyones opinion on the matter who would read this.

Yeah I also think I went to the best vegetarian restaurant EVER. It was ridiculously kickass, fairly cheap and most interestingly enough was in the part of Greensboro surrounding the downtown that is like a sea of strip malls: no lies.

So the Hotel we stayed at that my mom booked and I wish I hadn't trusted her on was one of the most fuckin' sketch and ghetto places I have stayed. Like the pool was half full and full of junk, it was at about a quarter capacity, On this really sketch place called regional road, the room hurt my lungs, and oh yeah our room was like 50 meters away from a strip club. SO I pretty much got no sleep and the crazy rednecks who were on mushrooms didn't help either as they might have been shouting they're asses off or the walls were made of cardboard or maybe just a little bit of both: heres to the Dayz Inn.

Yeah so Guilford was pretty fucking respectable and was nicer than I thought with a slightly smaller hippie population than I thought even though it was clearly happenin'. Interesting enough, it seemed like people had chosen Gulford over Goucher which was a good sign. So yeah now I guess I'm edging toward it. Also it seems like they're XC team is all about chillin' and what not so it sounds like a good time all and all i might just die there or learn how to live; we shall see what the future brings.

SO yeah my mom mixed up her AM and PMs when she was booking the flight so we had to change all sorts of stuff up but it all worked out. Also the bastards at US Air lost our baggage for a few hours both going there and the way back but everything worked out one way or another.

Yeah also I guess my wardrobe wasn't complete as in some store there was this rack of Izod shirts for like five bucks each so now I got all sorts of good stuff. Yeah I got school tomorrow with a semi full schedule for the first time as I took things easy last week but it's all good and then I'm going to Bennington on Friday yeah that'll be dope. Peace.

Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share

Never Come Back if I Could.

Mar. 31st, 2006 | 12:04 am
Swendsen is feeling: hopefulhopeful
Swiley is listening to: The Game

Yeah OK Ethan here and I'm leaving for the Northern Carolinian City of Greensboro somewhere around seven hours and woke up from a pretty chill nap a few hours ago.

Yeah this week has been interesting enough, nothing crazy fucking cool or anything like that but enough.

I was pestered to join the Lacrosse team like two million times and would've been goalie if they hadn't found some other sucker, yeah I know for a fact that if I did that some stuff would be broken but hey, it just builds character, right? AND YOU CAN'T GO WRONG WITH THAT. I also think Mr. Hungerford just wants to see me die but it's all good.

SO Mere and Hopple decided they don't hate me anymore and I just went along with it, yeah I'm disappointed in Jess for not ignoring me longer especially after promising me she'll never talk to me again, but you know what maybe everyone can be forgiven and things can be just left at that. Yeah I try to be nice sometimes maybe that's what I get for spending too much time with my brother.

Speaking of him it's funny how many people from my school are going to go to his, kinda ironic considering ending up at a place kinda freaks the FUCK out of me. But hey maybe it's a good thing people don't have the same taste as me, well arguably.

So for the first time ever at Dublin I won't be in the same math class as Witter but it's all good as taking two English classes and some Journalism stuff on the side seems like a good idea as if I'm gonna get my writing game on, I'm gonna need everything I can muster up.

So Phil isn't dropping out, YATTA! I'm going to go see him in a little more than seven in a half days maybe; climb some mountains, hit up the obelisk, steal some dignity, and all sorts of other things that I would only do with him. Yeah also now I can make my CRAZZZY movie and such and even if it fails it will still be a good time making: no lies.

Yeah I've been reading a lot about Vlad Dracula, a Romanian Prince also known as the Impaler. He was pretty much about brutal honesty back in the fifteenth century and impaled ten of thousand of peeps and when I say impaled I mean the torture style like putting a chick on a wooden stake and letting it slowly go through her, yeah he was also about crazy stuff like cutting of boobs and things like that. You would think someone like that would be hated, yet he be seen as one of the great Romanian heroes mostly because as shitty as he treated his peeps he put the invading Turks in their places multiple times, and scarred them away by doing thing like leaving out Twenty Thousand of their comrades on Stakes to see, yeah they turned around that time but got the best of him one day.

Yeah also I'm trying to read up on my Albanian history, you know cause if I'm gonna be like a quarter or whatever I might as well know my shit, and some of it is interesting but there is a awful amount of oppression, but hey can't have it all.

Yeah I'm gonna go to sleep in a little bit then leave on some jet plane to if this school that seems like it's full of hippies is right for me, yeah I don't even know anymore but somethings gotta turn out right.


Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share

Half LIt.

Mar. 27th, 2006 | 09:08 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent
Swiley is listening to: Black Eyed Peas

Yeah I'm home and got myself that whole school thing tomorrow and that's alright.

So yeah I have to do a Bio project which I was specifically warned not to do in one night and have to figure out the biggest scheduling disaster EVER! Shit don't phase me though right now the biggest I have to worry about is that there is a good chance that I'm going to college that might be full of hippies in the South among other peoples,and even if Guilford did give some bank for being a “good student”, I'm still trying to figure it all out.

So Boston was really good it was nice not talking with any high school students for a week. Yeah I was a lot better person and the worst thing brother could think of was being weight insensitive and Emily (his GF) didn't care so it's all good.

Yeah I also exposed my body to a lifestyle which works for a while, but not longer than that and that it really only tolerates certain thing twice a week tops and to do otherwise it will tell me, not stop me but kindly let me know.

Maybe the best thing was that I was rarely the best at anything plenty of people knew the same amount of music, politics, lived on Wikipedia, ran, were as thin, and so on. Thats what's kinda bad about Dublin it makes me feel so alone in everything I do when even at a shitty college like Curry there are plenty of people who are into shit? Yeah it's scary that some people are not.

So yeah I'm getting pretty comfortable with Matapan now like coming through there not on top of the ball sometime past eleven but then again home is just over the bridge. Yeah I love the high speed trolleys though as only on that one tiny line are they used by the MBTA and while back in the day(30's onwards) I guess the model was used everywhere I looked them up and only a handful places in America still use them, yeah if your in Boston with me ever you should come on one (unless of course it's dark and you happen to be a white woman).

So yeah it's a little funny at Jack's dorm they have these things called “rights” aka dorm “raids” are warned in advance and entail opening up the door. Yeah Dublin has put some funny ideas in my head about dorms but that's alright.

So I deleted my Myspace today as I guess I'm gonna get a facebook as Newscorp doesn't run it, less sketchy people will try to hook up with me and I'M GOING TO COLLEGE!

Speaking of going to college or not, I guess Phil is dropping out, man some people can get by just fine without a college education but I don't think(pretty much know) that he is not one of them, yeah it is kinda depressing to say the least. I'm a little pissed for lots of things as now I can't make my documentary, don't have a chillpad in VT as planned and just that I have a friend who is going nowhere and wants that, yeah I see my brother when he visits NH and how depressed he gets when he sees all his friends still here yeah I understand.

Yeah Andrew and I are doing good even after spending a week on and off together arguably the most time in years. Em his girlfriend works as a really good catalyst for us to so family wise I'm doing maybe the best I ever have. I even found out I was Albanian from my cousin when we went out to dinner with him, yeah I guess no bullshit “superior quality” bullshit from me as now not only is a lie but not even the most fucking foolish racist would believe Albanian is a center of the white world.

Yeah I had all sorts of good times in Boston though next time I think I'll bring a woman of some sorts to lower the not even close to as bad as 3rd wheelness as one would think but why not have it the best?

Link | Speak ya' mind. What has been said. | Add to Memories | Share

Friends Forever

Mar. 23rd, 2006 | 01:36 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent

Hey Ethan here at my brother's place in Milton.

Yeah I'm doing pretty good right now.

I've been non stop introduced to people as my brother likes showing me off and it's been interesting yeah then I met bunches of Jack's dormates too. So in total I think I've met about thirty random people.

Yeah so after wandering around Boston for a few hours I cam back to my brother place not sure anyone would be there, however, my bro's chill housemate (Brain) was and we and this other dude had stirfry and what not which was really chill. Yeah Brian's great him and I are pretty chill.

SO I finally met my brother other housemate who for some reason is gone every other time I have come here and he's interesting enough.

I got into college! Guilford this place in North Carolina accepted me! I'm on the wait list for Goucher which might be kinda a drag but at least I'm in a chill school and didn't get fucked over like my brother going to a place like Curry (he inspired me in fact). Yeah the night I found out was a good time.

Emily and I have been sharing all sorts of information that some of which would probably be kinda awkward to share between a persons brother and girlfriend but it just don't matta'.

So I heard the whole deal on Jack's grandfather and it's INSANE, like the guy did all sorts of crazy shit in world war two (aka lost a fucking leg) then went on to do other crazy things like serve as governor for 15 years of the most populated state of Australia (which is pretty big, like eight millionish now). He was even knighted by the Queen and unlike David Bowie (fuck yeah) took it.

Yeah true story I don't understand how I know so much about hip-hop like really only Atmosphere is the only peep I would say is one of my favorite musical artists but somehow I know like endless amounts of stuff which ain't bad but just interesting, but isn't eveyrthing.

OK now that the XC ski season is over my obsession is changing from Nordic warfare/Biathlon to Obelisks, yeah don't even ask.

Yeah I could write more but and tengo hambre and tired I think I'm gonna go up a wuss mountian that apparently has the best view of Boston then chill with peeps and god knows what from there.

Yeah I think I'm deleting Myspace kinda soon cause peeps want me to get a facebook, I'm in college, it's less corporate and I don't even know what else but fuck emo.

Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share

This is not enough.

Mar. 18th, 2006 | 04:03 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent

SO yeah I'm doing good enough and what not.

Today I woke up at twoish from a call from Anna yeah it was a interesting night, after talking with her for like half a hour or so and finally allowed to take a shower, I remembered all the things I did last night, which was a lot considering it all and iy started out but just wanting to build a catapult with Phil.

So yeah, at about two yesterday I rushed off to Keene to get Phil and go to Kirk's house to make a catapult as between the large amount of open space and limitless materials was ideal, and yeah Phil's mom thought we were gonna abuse cats.

Yeah so did Kirk's mom, so at that point I actually kinda wanted to, especially the big fat one that Kirk has that pees EVERYWHERE. But the catapult could not have handled that kind of weight and on flat land it was only launching things like five meters high and about 3 in distance so I had this kick ass idea to put it on the band shack. When we were doing that Tyler and this dude Kyle showed up, the latter being this dude who I was in freshman bio with way back in the day at Conval. The catapult, however at the hands of Kirk and Phil while I was finding ammunition, fell off both sides of the roof in a test run, yeah it was kinda humorous.

SO we just lit more fireworks. Earlier we had busted out a roman candle and I think Kirk almost shot me with it but it's all in good fun.

Then various people showed up mostly bunches of Space cadets but it's all good and somehow Allison joined in on all the fun.

Pat showed so we had a pretty big crew but then and proceeded to think of things to do and decided to go on some action missions and lighting a sparkler inside pats car I breathed in way to much of it's smoke which burns but you just can't go wrong with Sparklers can you?

SO onto Dick's as Pat wanted airsoft guns so me and him hit up a combo pack and P met up with us too.
Yeah interestingly enough this P experience was positive so it all worked out then back to the band shack were somehow I was hit by airsoft pellets about half a inch from my eyes, TWICE, but yeah god likes me (sometimes, maybe, I don't even know anymore).

So then a few of us watched formula 51, one of the worst/best movies ever in Kirk's room. Yeah how can you go wrong with Samuel Jackson kickin' peoples asses IN A KILT BITCHES.

The after threating to not drive Allison/Phil back to her car, they agreed to play cranium and somehow the team hooker (them) beat Team Demon (Kirk/me) by a surprising amount even though about the same amount of challenges were answered correctly by them teams.

Yeah I think I really should stop being a dick to Allison but she never stands up for herself so in my crazy head of mine it's legit, it gets pretty bad, at one point I was just shooting her with a airsoft gun when I was making dramatic points. Things like “Ethan Swendsen Wiley is champion of awkward”(shoot a should be expecting it Allison in the thigh). So then at about 1:40 onto Peterbourough where I dropped them off and onto home and chilled on the Internets until like three.

But yeah I'm gonna start on a pretty intense adventure Monday which will last for a good bit so this could be the last update for awhile, Peace.

Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share


Mar. 15th, 2006 | 11:39 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent

SO yeah after doing nothing for bit too long, I hit up Phil for some chillin' and what not and might be doing all sorts of things for St. Patrick's day yeah good fun.

Well I must say this, Cigarettes are fucking stupid, like I would've killed Phil I think if he had spent money on the ones he had, I just don't understand, well maybe I do actually, but it's still pitiful.

Speaking of pitiful the main reason I went to see Phil was because he was kicked out of his dorm but hey, it might all work out...well maybe I don't care too much.

After chilling at his house way too long like always we hit up the Kirk manor which barely happened as someone was too lazy to move and we moved all sorts of shit in his house to make some sort of action recording area in his room with three monitors, two computers, one keyboard and all sorts of instruments. Then after finding Mom's closed a half hour early and realizing we had nothing better to do and chilled at Kirk's and did things like chase Cats with robots and what not.

Yeah what is great about that place is the amazing amount of old junk there is piled everywhere, most of it at least five years old and that survived moves from two or more states. Like just in his room there were things like ten year old computers, about 6 various broken airsoft guns (and one not broken AK one with the safety off which I found out about the hard way) yeah I could go on forever but wow. The box of fireworks in his garage was pretty sweet though and some sparkler wars ensured.

Also for some reason we watched this marshal art's instruction video that was ridiculous with this Russian guy whose name I can't remember treating peeps like shit in showing style. Great quotes include: “if a coward who runs from a fight comes to you for help first teach him to run with DIGNITY”, “THE WORLD IS FULL OF........youth”, and all sorts of crazy things about a hour into it Phil thought he had seen it before and I reminded him that he is fucking stupid. Yeah Phil's name also means “Lover of horses” which just cracks me up.

SO after that, back to the casa of Phil at 1:30ish where his room is rented on Tuesday night's so we crashed in Noreen's room (who is the Evans who in reality loves horses) and watched the Brothers Grimm which was interesting. Not Terry Gilliam's best film but it had some pretty intense moments.

Yeah I've been thinkin' about it and almost everything about me is confusion not just how I am mentally but like ancestors and background as well. On one side some of my relatives were blue bloods and supporters of the revolutionary war than on the other side I have Torrie's who fled to Canada. Then I have semi recent(last century) Immigrants to American mixed in both sides. I'm left handed, bi, have a body structure that makes no sense, look almost nothing like my parents, and have none of the traits that my brother shares with them either. Maybe I'll figure it all out one day, HA.

SO after not sleeping as one can hear everything going on inside Phil's house and being ready for anything often means listening to nothing and not being able to stop and some mini veggie corn dogs we went off to Bennington on a nice enough forty something degree overcast day. Well, by the time we were at the boarder, it was snowing decently bad and a good twenty degrees colder and it only got worse but we got there in good enough time.

After spending like half a hour finding the right paper (which we didn't) and calling some places (one of which got through) we hit up the place which is located in the building as used car place and front lawn is full of Jaguars and what not that turned out to be pretty nice Even if a good portion of a rear end of a car was on the porch.
To celebrate we went to a Obelisk on the top of a hill which was chill even if the staircase to the top was closed.

Yeah Bennington is a interesting place like it's full of incredibly rich and incredibly poor (VT is general can be like that) and has a weird mix of people as it's on the tri-state boarder. Also due to the fact it is home to Bennington College you can see things like hippie looking people riding around in new Benz's coming from a discount grocery store. Yeah there are plenty of those there like at least three, but hey who doesn't love discount groceries? Excuse me while I find my case of Terra Chips that I got for $2.50.

Also interesting is North Bennington which while we were only there to turn around seemed to be infested with Vampires judging by the lack of people outside, the creepy abandoned church and possession of a street named “Spooky”. Thank god it was daylight though, as I may have combat boots, unlimited gum, sleeping bag, everything (not much) that that I would want for a solid month of adventuring but was laking key things like crossbows, crosses and sharpened stakes, even if Jezebel does have some pretty kickass mirrors but sometimes that just ain't enough.

Yeah we took bunches of video and on the way back gawked at the weird signs in Wilmington, VT that state “you are here” an points to a big red dot, one says “pamper yourself” and I kinda wanted to get a shot of me eating a chocolate bar underneath it but Salty Dawg was bein' a puss and sayin' it was too cold. Yeah, it was actually a little chilly with a fair amount of snow coming down with some accumulation on the road and some action wind. Yeah, something awesome at least for us due to the mad automobile wrecks everywhere, at one intersection of highways (with a cute little coffee shop I want to go to sometime) every single way in both directions was jammed except nine, aka the one we wanted!

So Yeah now I'm home and I think it might stay that way for a day or two then straight to stuff for the entire rest of the break, Peace.

Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share

Heard it all before

Mar. 12th, 2006 | 02:00 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent

So yeah things haven't been going exactly as planned but I've been doing enough but am not in Boston which is kinda a bummer but whatever I'm going sometime next weekend so it's all good.

Yeah so my room is finally cleaned and I've almost beat Castle Wolfenstien maybe that's a testament to how bored I am but some good things have come out of it like finding my knife, a good ten bucks in change and my closet being packed to capacity as it does when most of my clothes are clean. Yeah speaking of clothes I don't know if I already said this but I got a Burrberry shirt from my dad, that was chillin' out from this dead guy's stash of clothing so yeah now I'm just that much more classy.

Speaking of clothes my wardrobe is complete right now and I really don't feel the need to buy anymore clothes and I have not done so in a fair amount of time and the last time I've bought anything new? Well that was like forever ago, It's good to know that I can get at this point though I'm sure I might need some shorts or something in the near future.

Yeah on the note of buying things like my consumption level is ridiculously low right now, maybe it's because I'm low on cash but I just don't feel the need and even almost have a dislike for buying anything which is pretty good in my book as now I feel like I can trash talk consumerism as much as I see fit.

Yeah I've been talkin' to Anna for a good couple of hours for the last two nights and it's kinda ridiculous especially how moody she can be like sometimes she'll be shit talkin' my existence to the max than the next moments she'll be apologizing for everything. But Yeah it's strange we're both at this phase of our lives I think where we just wanna destroy ourselves sometimes, I think I would call it a interesting place to be.

Speaking of interesting places and that you want to know about this (well you might) I've been puttin' some heavy thought into getting my dick pierced in a dydoe meaning having a small bar on the outside of the head (yes I'm circumsized). I've thought about it before but now I'm running out of things to pierce and it's supposed to up sexual pleasure and looks nice to so why not? And there may or may not be some incentive in there that I might as well got done as well.

Yeah all the ignorant upper middle class girls whom I converse with sometime that I asked they're call on disapproved pretty heavily but I don't really trust their opinion anyways so it's all good and I don't want to hook up with them for that matter either. But a few people have agreed and I don't really think I care what other people as a INCREDIBLY select bunch will even see it to begin with but it's nice to ask people anyways.

SO yeah I think I probably have to help out Phil after he fucked his shit up again and even though he doesn't deserve it and needs the day when no ones gonna bail him out I still might do it anyways with conditions though it is amazing though what people will do before they get their act together, I don't care though he still my friend.

SO yeah peace I might have a actually interesting update sometime.

Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share

Here I am now.

Mar. 9th, 2006 | 01:46 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent

Yeah just chillin' as of now but I'm gonna go off see Tyler sometime today which will be chillaxen.

Had a dentist appointment today, and yeah I do hate the dentist and I have a baby cavity and a filling that is kinda dying but whatever, I guess I kinda should floss more yeah that is what I need a boy/girlfriend to bitch to me about flossing, meh... can't have it all.

So talked to Phil last night for a really good amount of time it turns out that he shall be comin' to Peterborgh the day I leave...yeah yay Phil planing but I don't care 'bout dat but I did manage so he and his woman will come down to Boston for a day or two yeah, hopefully it'll all work out so I can do all sorts of things in Boston that WON'T word out and hit up Mattapan for sure sometime and not just the brisk walk through at midnight coming from a action trolly.

Yeah also managed to fuck thing up between him and Allison and then fix them like it was nothing in the end Phil almost thanked me...then he realized it was my fault but I've been doing that lately I think of of habit fucking things up and then fixing them with mixed results but it's all in good fun and hey I'm responsible so it don't matta', you think not? Well thats because you're retarded and don't know me and only hear of my actions and forget/don't know that I like things like that. Yeah responsible does not equate to un-riskinesses just knowing what the fuck your doing and taking accountability, at least in my book but hey what the fuck do I know I've never been in any serious trouble of any sort, the sad part is I might just be serious but fuck you anyways.

So yeah My action bag is packed and ready for a solid week of Boston, I don't feel like I'm gonna come that close to death but I guess that's when it takes you it's just gonna be interesting adapting to so many different peep's while I'm there as this seems like it shall be the quite the adventure, yall could come but you won't last with me the whole time and if you came close I'd just cheat.

Yeah I had this weird dream of being stabbed(slashed rather) in the eye and rocking a eye patch for a indefinite amount if time, yeah, that would be kinda sweet even though looking around with one eye right now kinda tells me otherwise as I'd have a decent sized vulnerability for sneak attacks and what not that I'm sure would be taken advantage of but it don't matta'. PLEASE NOTE: this was not a invitation to stab me in the eye as I might get a little cross as I'm sure in my dream that I can't remember I killed the person who stabbed me.

I also think I'm finally unsick which is good cause sucking it up got a little tiring but it's all good yeah peace out and I might not write for a really long time or I'll update on my cousin Tony's action computer or someone else's, yea there is always someone else: story of my life.

Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share


Mar. 6th, 2006 | 11:26 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent

OK yeah so yet again I suck at updating but pretty much thing went from sitting around being sick, playing Wolfenstein, drinking tea to all sorts of stuff.

So Witter called me Saturday while I was in my nice little rut and was like “come to Boston with me to pick up my brotha” and while I was planning to get unsick Monday I pulled it off in like half a hour and we was on da' way. So yeah we got to Taylor's campus pretty speedy LISTENING TO ELECTRONIC THE WHOLE WAY and we chilled out with him and his woman before going to Brandies.

So yeah then to Brandeis where we saw Shaffer and what not and got shoulder tapped randomly by some kids while Witter and I were chillin' in the Passat. Yeah guess who was asked? Yeah, you know but I still got plenty of sketchiness in me, but yeah still fuck sellin' shit.

Yeah it was weird coming back we went through this town in North-Eastern MA that I had never heard of that just striked me as so peculiar. Like it was pretty decently sized and what not and it just seemed like it should not exist it kinda reminded me of Claremont, NH in a way of being of having character and seeming chill but at the same time like it was tragically falling apart and one day will just fall off the map.

SO then back to Peterica' with Taylor at the helm we got into a race with a ICP white trash mobile and found ourselves like five miles from the New Hampshire sea coast, yeah time flies or maybe it only took half a hour to get from there from Boston. But the time it took crossing a large part of the width of NH time decided to take it down to a crawl or maybe it really did take two hours.

So back to Peterborugh where I went home and Andrew left a message for me and wanted to go bowling.

Yeah I guess it's a good thing I can't isolate myself (at home at least) like I used to as someone always wants to find me which is nice.

So yeah candle pin bowling with the Wileys' which was good fun and while I started out ahead I ended up in DEAD LAST for 2/3 rounds out of Andrew, Betsy, Dad and Emily.

Yeah Andrew got a new woman which is pretty chill as it seemed like he had in kinda a shitty place with Emily (old one) that included lots of bitterness and what not and best of they bothe have the same name so when he confuses the two it verbally just won't matta.

The I mopped up in bowling and got two spares in a row yeah then I put dad to school as well, all and all it was a good couple hours of bowling.

SO yeah Emily really wanted me to come back to dad's house and after quad checking with Andre I did so and we played games and watched movies until like five which was a little early, but Andrew/Dad had passed out, Betsy was sleeping so after talking to Emily bunches I just thought about shit in the living room.
Yeah it turns out she loves Cabin Fever to death to which is pretty fucking awesome but yeah it's good to see Andrew overcoming the being attracted to bitch stage something that I think all of us Wiley men have and it seems like 2/3 have figured out, yeah I don't think I can afford to take as long as my dad on that one as I don't think I'll be alive then and 21 is a good couple of years from now for me, Maybe next month I'll get it down but who the fuck cares as long as I'm losing.
Well I just might be as it seems both of them got it down.

So the next day yeah somehow I went to sleep the latest and was the 2nd to get up, yeah I don't care about light or noise to much when I'm sleeping but I can't deal with movement fuck I can sleep on hardwood floors just fine but I can't deal with not being on action mode and even when I'm sleeping I can still sense peeps pretty much anywhere and spring to action, I guess it's a good thing as being killed in your sleep would fucking suck.

So Sunday off to Keene for discount grocery shopping and what not, I picked up some new Jewelry as I have had a piece of shitty plastic in my nose for like a week since I lost my stud somewhere and a far superior tongue bar. I also found a copy of Cabin Fever at Turn it Up for five bucks which needed to be purchased. OK and also at the dump Andrew found a copy of a rare Modern Lovers CD.

Yeah I fucking love Jonathan Richmond like I think he embodies the way things should be in so many ways. Just the way how he has no talent and just rants on about stuff like “128 when it's dark outside” and having a “G-I-R-L F-R-I-E-N....” like just talking about the little things that matter in life without regard for doing it in a manner with any refinement, just using passion yeah: true story.

So yeah Cabin Fever: Emily and I played drinking games to it where every time someone spit blood one would drink yeah it had to be aborted after awhile as it just got to be to much but yeah I love that movie and I do believe it was the first time I had seen the whole thing as something always fucks me up and I miss just a little bit, But yeah Andrew liked it which was expectable but I think I wanna wait on letting my little sister Hannah see it as it's pretty fucking intense.

So yeah driving with Andrew is frustrating as his skills have gone significantly down but he HATES when someone else is driving especially me 'cause he has insurance on my car to so it's legit if he drives. But yeah dropping off my lil' sista' Hannah back at her moms place I took my dads white trash commuter car the Chevy Lumina 92 just to piss Andrew off a little as Emily was coming along so he was obligated to do so and it has no working radio and even though he took driving back by force it wasn't to music which was good enough of a compromise.

After everyone else went to sleep I watched Life Aquatic and yeah I wasn't on top of it all but honestly that movie is so fucking ridiculously depressing and yeah it's just hard to explain. But I shed a tear when they saw the jaguar shark something I haven't done in god knows how long. Meanwhile my dad slept with his cute little wife and brother slept with his pretty/lovable girlfriend, 2/3 ain't bad, and I know myself better to feel desperate even if it wouldn't be a bad idea but independence ain't one either.

Yeah talkin' to Lisa today the biggest reason I'd want one is to use nipples as a surface for unmentionable things.

Yeah after I came home (?) I started cleaning stuff and writing this but Andrew/Emily showed up and we looked at pictures and then went out to eat. Yeah it's kinda scary I was asked questions about childhood that I just constantly BS'd, as how do you say “I don't remember my childhood” in front of your family? It worked though and just like now, I made fucking crazzzy posses as a kid. Emily also said the same thing that Greta (sister) did once that I'm a poser but I do a awesome job at it, it was almost kinda creepy.

SO yeah the going through the basement and getting tired of Andrew who is impossible to clean with like I just tried to slowly get away from him but he is challenging as he does things in no order BUT IT MUST BE HIS WAY.

Yeah Emily told me that he talked about me a lot and that makes sense. Like I know him as a person now and we're on a really good level after just being distant for so long and yeah he can be a pain in the ass but I don't think I'd trade him for another. Yeah getting piercing I realized the best chances of getting a tattoo would be if he died and then as I kinda want one could just knock him off yeah he got pretty confused but Em got it.

So yeah Phil got kicked out of his dorm and Tyler didn't make it into college I think I'm gonna try to fix things and get Phil furniture and give Ty good places to apply to as I don't wanna see them fail.

SO yeah peace I'm going to Boston in the near future then to VT so yeah I reversed order but it's all good. I'll update Tues. as well as I left things out and this was getting lonnngggggg.

Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share


Mar. 2nd, 2006 | 10:30 am
Swendsen is feeling: sicksick

Yeah, Ethan here and done with school for a good month or so and it feels pretty good. Yeah I haven't updated in a unusually long time because I kinda had to get them final exams done which went well with mixed results.

Donmez gave me a B+ on my history paper which kinda seems like it was based on more than the paper as it wasn't as good as it could've been but I'll take what I can get and fuck the reasoning.

Yeah did plenty fine in AP Bio, fine in Math and Spanish well I'll just say I put in a good effort but a good effort ain't always good enough.

Another reason I didn't update in forever was because I have been pretty sick. At first I though it was just depression and got mad at myself and tried to push myself more but that didn't really all. So after a bit I just accepted it was my body who was pissed not my soul and while still that's not the best of situations, I'll take it over the other one any day.

So not to much is new for me I've just been trying to bet better so I can go to Boston and VT. I think I really want to got chill with Phil and climb up mountains and stuff in the day and party out with him at night which seems like a plenty awesome plan with only slight chance of death.
The I'm gonna chill out with my cousin in Cambridge and see Andrew and Anna and maybe other peeps I don't even know but it'll be a good time.

Yeah I've been fucking with people who have been trying to get me to buy them cigarettes way to much, it is fucking hilarious how personal people take it and I'm pretty sure someone was brought into tears by it and to be honest I really don't care, cause personally I really don't have the room in my life for addiction. The more I see it in people, the more I dislike it altogether, and just people being weighed down that's not even alive yeah fuck that shit.

Yeah it's funny the one piece of advice that my dad says to me that I don't think I could ever listen to is “play the game”. Like I would say I embody “work hard, play hard” but you know I can't let myself just go along with shit, when I think about it when I've done so that's when I get kinda down, and it would be helpful as plenty of people reach out to me and out of instinct I just reject that because I won't accept their methods whatsoever. I dunno I'm just scared that he's right and even though I know all the answers I'm sticking with self-righteous bullshit that will put me on my own little path individualist path... of Isolation.

I think I'm gonna go chill out with the crew a bunch to as it would be suiting and I have not done that enough as it's mostly be limited to chillin' with Witter in school and sporadic Phil which probably ain't enough but it's all good.

Now excuse me as I get back to killing things in old school video games and getting better. Hit me up if you wanna chill sometime too pretty much no matter where you are well (MA, NH, ME, VT, maybe CT but I don't have to many friends there and even so that state sucks and elsewhere)

Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share

Where are you now?

Feb. 25th, 2006 | 12:44 pm
Swendsen is feeling: blankblank

Yeah Ethan here doing OK and it's the week before finals.

SO I've been feeling kinda weird lately not strong and whatnot, it's hard to explain and I'm not to sure why like I've been sleeping a lot more and have been tired a lot and stuff like that and I'm pretty sure it's just because I need a break from school to collect myself but yeah this weeks been a little rough.

So Jessica's never gonna talk to me again which is fine, I expected better of her but that happens(ed) with her a lot as I assume she knows me then gets all pissed at me when she should have known better and by the way just for your information don't talk shit about who I am because while there are plenty of things I suck at making people feel like complete shit about themselves is as far away from being one as possible.

OK true story so I was so out of it Thursday that I forgot that I had a presentation in Modern China for like twenty minutes it could've been postponed but I wasn't gonna do that and sucked it up and it worked even if I didn't have pictures or whatever I still gave a good enough rant and was a little impressed with myself but knew it was in my but it would've been a but better plan if I remembered it Wednesday night but it don't matta.

Yeah I guess it was kinda visible that I was falling apart Friday as people were nice to me which I'm not sure is a good thing as if your not fucking restarted you might kinda know that showing weakness is not in my quality world but whatever.

So yeah this weeks newspaper was riddled with errors and my article embodied that, dammit I really need to start editing a fuck of a lot better but Ms. Dunmez did leave me a cut little comment saying my syntax was like a treadmill and no, not that it's overly repetitive just too intense, remind you of someone?

So yeah the Wildcat at my school got named Wiley, yeah awesomeness.

Yeah so back to my fucked-up-ness I think it's just a matter of not realizing how good I have things and maybe not understanding how to utilize them. I just want better and I'm really not sure what that is but I want to find it and have silly ideas in my head.

Yeah I think I kinda need to find a job over March break then get back to it in the summer and I need to get on this in the very near future part of me wants to work 3rd shift at a convenience store somewhere but I think I'll take whatever I can take maybe yeah.

I think I'm gonna go to Vermont for a bit and see Phil and Lisa and do some adventure hiking as it would be good for me then sleep at Phil's dorm and have good times as that would seem to be refreshing.

Yeah to the writing of paper but peace out.

Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share

Bluest Eye.

Feb. 21st, 2006 | 06:47 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent

Yeah Ethan here things have been kinda interesting but I've been takin' it easy enough lately.

Yeah today some Quaker dudes were in my Modern China class yeah they were sporting wool sweaters and couderouys... just like me! Yeah as one would expect one of them did look like Jesus but they where chill now I want to go to school at a Carolina del Norte Quaker school Guilford more.

Oh yeah did I mention that apparently I got them purrtiest eyes of the Senior Class, well Witter might have his gold fucking key art award but he ain't got this perfect blueness, Yeah and my suggestion for Rufus as the school mascot was adopted to but I guess Mr. Porter suggested it too which takes some of the fun out of it but it don't matta'.

So yeah now to some almost serious things everything I think got (for me expectedly) fucked up between Jessica and I but I don't care. As one would thing it turned into gossip fast enough and the day student crew quizzed me on it like two million times which is chill as it is kinda a funny story. I wrote a fucking blunt 3 and a half page note that probably was a little intense but some things needed to be said and a CD with cute love songs came with it so I think it all works out in the end.

Yeah I figured out my dream job! Also I've probably told you like a million times too because it's just that awesome but for everyone that has escaped the rant here goes! Yeah this got into my mind after thinking about the “Life Aquatic” and how depressing it is to me. Honestly though I want to be a adventure documentary narrator/person whatever they be called but I could so just see myself going to random places in search of some kinda forgotten ruins or near extinct fish. Like I really don't know what I'd make them about but like I'm sure I'd find something. Between me like ranting about stuff and exploring/traveling I think it would be near perfect and worse comes to worse when this dream dies inside of me I can become the flight attendant that that job survey back in the day told me to be.

SO that bastard Phil liberated my ring watch I guess I think I'll have to kill him and while I'm sure I could be a sneaky bastard and remove his sexual option that would be overkill but dammit I really like that fucking thing.

SO yeah after Witter did this report on this math dude we talk about philosophy that's just meant to hurt your brain heres an normal thought about it: Since nothing is answerable that means you know nothing but there is no reason you don't know anything so you can explain everything. Yeah my brain just hurt a good bit over today and it had nothing to do with a female like it should have.

Yeah so that's it for now I'm gonna try to fix broken shit up tomorrow and with a little style and grace it just might get done.

Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share

Ain't It all Grand?

Feb. 19th, 2006 | 07:17 pm
Swendsen is feeling: contentcontent

Hey yeah Ethan here.

SO I've been busy enough lately when I'm not coming home and passing out for 12 hours out of exhaustion. Yeah I was doing that as right after the marathon I had to get caught up with school shit in with like some god speed. Also keeping a normal life at the same time so yeah that stopped working Wednesday when I went home and died pretty much but it all works out.

SO yeah Friday was this field day thing at school which all sorts of intense things like a mechanical bull, sumo wrestling in like huge suit and that boxing stuff, So I proceeded to dominate to the max except when Britney and I went at it like mad which was pretty much as even as you could get and afterwards she got the death cough and I took a nap on Hopple's crotch for awhile: true story.

Unfortunately Ms. Davis wouldn't fight me which was kinda a bummer she gave all sorts of crazy excuses about being scared about getting violent and that it would be bad form if we did but more on that later and one day I will break her down and possibly later get my ass kicked but it really don't matta'.

So Friday night was kinda a mess the power went out from like three until nine and Phil was in town so I tried to track him down but that proved fruitless but it's all good.

So after having clue what to do with on electricity en mi casa I hit up the School Play (there be a generator) hoping to hunt down Phil which didn't happen but Ms. Davis and I did have a good long talk about all sort of goodness which is good as she felt like there was some kinda bad blood or what not which is slightly doltish as ETHAN SWENDSEN WILEY ain't one to hold a grudge for much time at all.

So yeah recently I've been feeling like I'm trying to destroy myself and just push myself as far as I can go which is kinda working out here and there I think I'll make it to the break and then I can do some chillaxen and what not but whatever works out.

I was kinda impressed with the play to be honest and the only other event that measured even close to it was Witter almost setting himself on fire with my action lighter, oh and making Lisa feel uncomfortable as fuck which is always a good time for all (and by all I mean me!).

Saturday I was planning to do a good deal of chillin', cleaning, work and what not and was about halfway through this blog when I get a emergency distress IM from Phil saying he really wants/needs to get to New Hampshire and after throwing in some goodies I made the fucking trek to Bennington, VT with mad haste going through the action highway there (9?) and getting to Phil at like 6:30 and then we drove all the way fucking back to Peterborough to Alison's house and chilled out until she got out of the play.

Like two hours and quadrathlon that Phil challenged me to I was pretty fucking out of it and Alison accompanied by Jessica H. show up and we chill out some more.

Yeah being the first time seeing Phil and Alison together I gotta say it makes a lot more sense and I might give both of them a little less shit as they look plenty happy together and I guess that's what matters.

Yeah speaking of that a certain female decided to pull the moves on Ethan Swendsen Wiley for whatever reasons and before I knew what was happenin' a tongue was chillin' out in my mouth or something along those lines and shortly there after had to go back to Dublin and a phone call later I got myself into some kinda emotional investment yeah it's like that sometimes.

SO after talking to Phil and Alison until like 3:30 and making many line crossing comments I sent them off to bed and watched them five hundred channels of The Man In The Iron Mask and a documentary about secret US involvement in Laos then tried to sleep and failed and finally just chilled out with that crazy dog at the St. G. household. Then I listened to Electronic music and explored the household and got on my way about nine.

Now I'm writing mad papers and all sorts of stuff of goodness and yes I do feel alive even if I might coma sleep sometime in the very near future and it's all gonna work out just fine: I promise (at least for me).

Link | Speak ya' mind. | Add to Memories | Share